apologies and wat happen today ^^

first of all, i going to apologise for all that i have said yesterday on the blog. i was sleepy, fustrated and emotional so i dun really noe wat i'm writing but overall i'm sorry...

today, some of my sec school gang ask me out for a movie so i was quite happy ba ??? then we played lan and talked alot about wat we are doing now in our respective schools. the movie huang jing jia was ok but only the fighting scenes. overall the whole story line is very twisted ba. we talked alot but mostly we are talking about gals ^^ (they r all guys, no helping!!! lol!) n i found out that we are all still unattached lol so chum!!! (they are all nice guys and some of them are quite gd looking too...) we laughed at each other for being so useless but still very sad and emo... finally we decided that we cannot think so much about it but these things should come naturally. lol

i had quite a fun day today n i posted it immediately after i reach home so i very tired now... Zzz
hope that we are all able to have a bright future !!!

boredem + insight

hai, i realise that i dun really have ppl around me that i can call "friends" any more... its near christmas but all i'm doing is fantically trying to find some1 to spend the festive with... because i realise that NO 1 is going to ask me if i want to go out for a movie or anything of the sort. i finally realise that after experienceing a "friendless" period during primary sch and a "friendful" period during secondary school, i seem to be more suited to be a friendless person... at the very least, you do not feel lonely when no one asked you to go out for some fun cause u r friendless to begin with, than to have ppl who u call friends but won't even think of your existence when they are organising outings... i decided that i rather revert to my old self than to force myself to laugh everyday and act like a clown.

this is wrote when i was feeling highly emotional, so i may be a little harsh but its wats happening...

...

Today, i realise that i'm not a good speaker, normally i can talk alot but when it comes to critical movments, i am totally out of ideas... so i guess i'm a good crapper instead of speaker. Its really hard to be able to find a topic to talk to others about, so i guess i'll try to keep the number of times i open my mouth to a minimum in the future...

Movies!!! ^^

wow wow wow!!! today i went to watch movie with a friend and the movie's song was so nice!!! i went online to search n manage to find the info. Its like she's 19, but she's made 8 singles, 1 album and a movie(midnight sun) 0.0!!! i'm going to idolise her lol ^^

hmm, i finally...

well, people may think that i am a big idiot and very hua xin but, i just wan to say it... yesterday i said something sensitive to some1 again, i got the reply in 1 day. compare to last time its considered quite fast... but, still the answer is NO... through she said it in a very polite way... maybe its time i sit down n talk to myself before i continue with my life...

despicable ??? i dun noe...

yo, back to post again... (though i noe only a few ppl is reading these... :P ) wat would u consider to be despicable, backstabbing??? i dun noe... probably a guy that just got rejected start to hook up another gal??? or if a guy that take advantage of a situation where the gal has just been through some emotional setbacks??? or best, a combi of both the factors mentioned above... i definitely wun wan myself to be labeled by others as one... thus, i'm going to wait... for how long that i do not noe but... i will probably be waiting for a very very long time...

... ( probably weeping in a corner of my room)

oh my, wats happening, i feel all emotional all of a sudden. As the saying goes, tian di xia mei you bu san zhi yan si. lately, i've been going to friendster and friend's blogs to c the content. i find that within this short span of 1 yr, most of them change drastically, most of them for the better. it really makes me think and ponder about it, "wat have i achieve in this past year?" n i find that i cant find the answer... or more like i do not wan to know the answer. i havent done anything worth mentioning... lets hope that i will be able to do something about myself next sem, maybe a change of style and my sucky attitude towards learning... or perhaps i'm just not cut out for anything...

er hmm... genna rejected ???

hmmm lets c, from the msg that i just receive, i think i got rejected again... is it my problem or hav i been choosing the wrong person to fall for ??? well, u cant really choose who u like anyway. so lets just say that i havent been falling for the right 1 ??? lol. lets just say that... hmm maybe i will fall for the right person the next time :)

but maybe i am the one with the problem... looks like i have to wait for someone to point it out to me or i have to find out ba :(

1st time skip lesson

omg... today i skipped my 1st lesson in my entire life... lets hope i dun do it again. today i finally got the courage to talk to her n asked her about wat she feels. then like hmm... i cant really say that i feel that it's ok but i dun feel that she is disturb by it ba. at least i dun hope so. lets hope that the something good will happen.

stupid me...

omg!!! i actually said it out... on last sat the 2nd of dec... my fingers lost control n i just type everything i was thinking into the phone, maybe more than wat i was thinking... but nvm all that. the problem is there's no reply. no reply at all till today. still no reply!!!!. i'm going to die from the anxiousness. sadly on monday, one of my friend tried to cover up for me saying that he was the 1 who send it out of fun. after seeking some advice from other friends, they said that it is the worst thing one could ever do, u make the person feel like you are playing with her. after i knew it, i felt like banging my head on the wall. "y dint i stop him..." this phase kept repeating itself in my mind. now there's nothing more i could do. but tmr i'm going to tell her face to face that i'm serious and i would accept any answer from her, even if its a "no", its fine. but i just wan an answer...

sad n ... *knock head*

lately, i've been feeling very down, u noe the kind of feeling where u like some1 n u dun have the slightest idea of how the other party feels ??? its treachrous... n now my friend had encounter some problems in his bgr too. it really makes me doubt if it will be all right for me to tell the other party... my friends around me had been telling me to gogogo!!! but personally i still feel that i do not know enough to be saying that i "like" the person... perhaps i wun be able to say it out even after these 3 yrs in poly. but we never noe wats going to happen the next sec or the next day. so maybe i will get together with her tmr ^^ !!! joking joking... but i still hope that i can at least say it out... BUT BUT BUT having failed once, its hard for me to say such things again la. n some people noe that i like another gal once but after i got sort of rejected then i like this one wor... lets hope i'm not using her as a float to get out of the sea of misery...

on the 30 of november, i got to know a new friend on a bus!!! ^^ well, not really a new friend cause we always study in the same class but there's too many people!!! >< THUS u need to know them slowly... but i'm still happy that i got to know a new friend.

my arm was hurt while participating in the gl training last friday. now i cant train for my archery competition.... i guess i have to sit this one out if my arm cant recover at least a week before the comeptition. the impact of the assignments are still on me but instead of getting lighter, they are getting heavier... i guess being out of the training means i get more time to finish my projects with my groupmates. there's always 2 side to a coin, its up to us how we want to think about it. if u c a cup of water thats at half of it capacity would u say that its half empty or half filled ???

work has been piling up tremendously, i dun really realise the amount of work load until i looked through everything yesterday. That's really a lot of work waiting to be done... sadly, time is running out for me and there really isnt much time to do anything. so i guess i should really work hard from now eh?

choosing a birthday present was hard work... i was cracking my brain for ideas on wat to buy when i suddenly found the answer. maybe something different, something more extraordinary??? thinking along that line, i got a present that maybe a little weird but i found it very interesting ^^

hmmm, this is my 1st posting. I dun noe why but sad things seem to be happening around me since who knows when. sad things that turn you away from what you believe to be right and true, some thing like BGR which can be so sweet one moment and so sour the next, sad but true. sometimes love at 1st sight may not be the right choice so for all those that read this, look, before you jump...